The Laughing Matriarch

The Laughing Matriarch
ma·tri·arch/ˈ A woman who is the head of a family or tribe.

Monday, December 13, 2010

If the Donner’s Had Thrown a Dinner Party

The weather outside looked fine to me as I set out the wine glasses and checked on my Red Velvet Apple Cakes.






The snow from Thanksgiving had melted and I was actually disappointed to see the lawn from my kitchen window. The clouds had lifted and the lake was still. The smell of garlic bubbling up from my Italian Fish Soup was intoxicating and the onions caramelizing on the stove were the perfect color. The fireplace was set and I had even cleaned the bathroom. And then the calls came. “Can’t make it, it’s going to snow.” “Sorry, big snow storm on the way won’t be there," and so forth. Oh please, people, you have four-wheel drive, it’s not like you’re in a covered wagon slogging through the Sierra’s in a snowstorm. You know, like the Donner-Reed Party. (Yep, the Reed’s were there too!)



But here it was my first holiday party in snow country and people were dropping like, umm, the Donner Party. But, I had enough food for, well, the Donner Party and so when the first car pulled up and the snow started falling I vowed to hold the best damn dinner party I could!

And so it was written that my two guests were well fed, had their fill of wine and laughter and sent back home through the blizzard with large packages of food in case they became stranded in the cold. In the morning we had more than 10 inches of new snow on the ground and a lot of leftovers. Next year I’m throwing my Christmas party in July.

“At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.” George Carlin


 Sacre Blue Mac & Cheese- adapted from Epicurious.com


  • tablespoons butter plus more for baking dish
  • 3 cups sliced sweet onions (about 6)
  • 8 ounces small elbow macaroni (2 cups)
  • 1 1/4 cups half and half
  • 3teaspoons hot sauce (such as Cholula)
  • 2 cups (packed) coarsely grated extrasharp cheddar cheese (about 8 ounces)
  • 1 1/2 tablespoons all purpose flour
  • 2/3 cup crumbled soft fresh goat cheese- try a flavored goat cheese such as the one with red pepper in it!
  • 1/8 cup of blue cheese- only because I wanted to call the recipe Sacre Blue.

Preparation

Preheat oven to 400°F. Butter 11x7x2-inch glass baking dish. Melt 3 tablespoons butter in heavy large skillet over medium-high heat. Add shallots; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Cover and cook 5 minutes, stirring often. Reduce heat to medium. Cook, covered, until onions are deep brown, stirring often, about 6 minutes.
Meanwhile, cook macaroni in large saucepan of boiling salted water until just tender but still firm to bite, stirring occasionally; drain well. Reserve pan. Bring half and half and hot sauce to simmer in same saucepan over medium heat. Toss cheddar and blue cheese and flour in medium bowl to coat; add to half and half mixture. Whisk until sauce is smooth and just returns to simmer, about 2 minutes. Mix in pasta. Season with salt and pepper.
Spread pasta mixture in prepared dish. Top with shallots, then goat cheese. Sprinkle with pepper. Bake until heated through, about 15 minutes.

Friday, December 10, 2010

I Do Not Own A Christmas Sweater...

And I don't want one. Just wanted to clear that up. But I will take an apron. (Tracy made this one for me.)





 Anyway, this year we are traveling to California for the Christmas celebration. I am looking forward to stashing the parka and putting on a slutty red top- so much more festive. Last year the immediate family came here- and I cooked just a little. Check out the photos.


(I made Mexican food for Christmas Eve- like we always do...because..it seems like The Three Wise Men might have driven through Alberto's coming into Jerusalem that late at night. It could happen! For Christmas Day- my favorite Pagan Holiday- I made Pork Shoulder with Guinness, Dried Cherries and Sweet Potato, and it was Good! So I am passing on the recipe..my gift to you!)


But back to the craziness. 

Tomorrow I am having a friend or two over..or more might show up, because I think I invited everyone at the Safeway yesterday, so who knows?

So I am in the kitchen rocking out to whatever Pandora Radio thinks I should hear, and putting a small dinner party together. Here's what I am making: My Sacre Blue Mac and Cheese. I am covering a pork roast with sugar cookie dough and making pork-cranberry sliders, a fantastic shrimp and scallop soup and a yummy red velvet cake. I'm making a few other things, but I can't think what they are. I have them written down somewhere on a list...or maybe I mailed it out in someones Christmas card. Damn! (The Husband has accused me of being hysterical during the holidays. I have told him the lake is very deep...)

Anyway figure out which recipe you want and I'll post it in the morning. Or Sunday- depends on how much eggnog I drink.

Buffet; A French word that means "get up and get it yourself.

Daniel Boulud's Pork Shoulder with Guinness, Dried Cherries and Sweet Potatoes

5 cups Guinness stout
1 cup dried cherries
1/3 cup balsamic vinegar
2 tablespoons vegetable or extra-virgin olive oil
1 (5 1/2-pound) pork shoulder roast
Coarse sea salt or kosher salt and freshly ground black pepper
3 large red onions, peeled and sliced
1/2 teaspoon crushed black pepper
4 garlic cloves, peeled and finely minced
1 tablespoon tomato paste
5 whole allspice, crushed
2 bay leaves
1/4 cup molasses
3 tablespoons packed dark brown sugar
2 pounds sweet potatoes or yams, peeled and roughly chopped

Serves 6-8

Pork shoulder is a classic for braising. The meat turns nearly spoonable but still slices nicely, and leftovers are great for sandwiches. In this recipe I've combined the pork with dried cherries and sweet potatoes, balancing their sweetness with the slightly bitter taste of Guinness stout and molasses.

1. Bring the stout, cherries, and vinegar to a simmer in a saucepan. Transfer to a bowl, cover tightly with plastic wrap, and let sit for at least 1 hour, or refrigerate overnight.
2. Center a rack in the oven and preheat the oven to 300°F.
3. Warm the oil in a large cast-iron pot or Dutch oven over high heat. Season the pork shoulder with salt and ground black pepper and sear on all sides until golden brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Transfer the pork shoulder to a platter. Remove all but 2 tablespoons of the fat in the pot.
4. Add the onion and the crushed black pepper to the pot and sauté for 7 minutes. Add the garlic and continue cooking until the onions are translucent, about 3 minutes. Stir in the tomato paste and cook for 2 to 3 minutes longer. Add the pork shoulder, the marinated cherries and liquid, allspice, bay leaves, molasses, brown sugar, 1 teaspoon salt, and 2 cups water. Bring the mixture to a simmer.
5. Cover the pot, transfer it to the oven, and braise for 1 hour, turning the pork once during cooking. Add the sweet potatoes and continue to braise for 2 more hours, turning two more times. If the sauce is too thin or is not flavored intensely enough, ladle most of it off into another pot and simmer it until it thickens and intensifies. Then add it back to the first pot.
6. Slice the pork and serve with the sauce on top.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Outsourcing My Blog

OK, so I didn't write this.

You've probably seen it a million times, but it's funny. And it's not like it wouldn't be a kick-in-the-ass to try. So let me get my hair cut and do a little Christmas shopping and later I will share my Pecan-Pumpkin Pie recipe. (It's two, two, two pies in one!) And yes, it has booze in it too.

Enjoy!


From My friend Lynette- the best joke-teller I know!




Once again this year, I've had requests for my
  Tequila Christmas Cake recipe so here goes:

1 cup sugar
2 cups flour
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit


Sample the tequila to check quality
Take a large bowl;
check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer.
Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK.
 Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the fruit up off the floor. (now pick yourself up off the floor)

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose
with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the tequila. Now shift the flour and strain your nuts.

Add one table. . .  Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Merry MishMash  . . .  or Cherry Mistmas . . . or . . . oh, what the hell!! 
In my experience, clever food is not appreciated at Christmas. It makes the little ones cry and the old ones nervous.
Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

Saturday, December 4, 2010

No One Can Resist My Schweddy Balls.

They're made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe....
Actually, I'll give you MY recipe, but I had mucho fun writing that line!

So this morning- after a day spent in the mountains- 20 degrees and snow everywhere- and watching The Husband climb and top a Christmas tree- I wondered what I might cook up today.




The Husband was doing the 'Word Jumble," - damn I hate the Word Jumble-and he must of had to un-jumble the word 'rum,' or 'cookie,' or hell, I don't know, maybe he just wanted a Pina Colada for breakfast. Anyhoo, he said, "Why don't you make some rum balls?" And I thought, well, he did drag his Social Security ass up a huge fir tree and drag the tree half a mile back to the car for me. The least I could do was mix some rum and some chocolate together for him and make it into little balls. You know, throw him a bone.
And so I did.
Unfortunately since we are headed to California for Christmas and will be putting on bathing suits at in various Jacuzzis of skinny friends- we are cutting back the calories.


First thing in the morning...after putting two balls in my mouth...I will be packing them up very carefully and mailing them out. Because... I do know that you all love yourselves... a Sack of Schweddy Balls.

Oh my that was fun!


"Wow! My mouth's watering just thinking about those Balls!"
Margeret Jo McCullen:


 So the recipe calls for Vanilla Wafers, but I didn't have any Vanilla Wafers and I wasn't going to drive 40 miles round trip for Vanilla Wafers. So I made them. Here is that recipe:

Vanilla Wafer Ingredients

  • 1/2 cup butter (no substitutes), softened
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 egg
  •  2tablespoon vanilla extract, plus if you have a vanilla bean toss some seeds in.
  • 1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour
  • 3/4 teaspoon baking powder
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt


    Directions

    1. In a mixing bowl, cream butter and sugar. Beat in egg and vanilla. Combine dry ingredients; add to creamed mixture and mix well. Drop by teaspoonfuls 2 in onto ungreased baking sheets. Bake at 350 degrees F for 12-15 minutes or until edges are golden brown. Remove to a wire rack to cool.And BTW- The house will so smell yummy you can stash the bathroom spray!

    Now you can move on and make the Schweddy Balls. (Adapted from Emeril, not Pete Schweddy. His balls are a secret!)


    Schweddy Rum and/or Irish Cream Balls 

    Ingredients

    • 2 cups-plus confectioners' sugar
    • 4 tablespoons cocoa powder
    • 1 teaspoon ground allspice
    • 1/2 cup dark rum and 1/2 cup Baileys Irish Cream
    • 4 tablespoons light corn syrup
    • 31/2 cups finely crushed vanilla wafers- you can use a food processor to do this, but I like to smash things. To bits. I mean, really smash it to pieces.
    • 2 cups finely chopped, toasted walnuts or pecans- nuts is nuts.

      Directions

       

      Into a large bowl, sift together 2 cup of the confectioners' sugar, the cocoa powder and allspice. place half of the mix in another bowl. Stir in the rum and corn syrup in one bowl and the Baileys and corn syrup in another bowl. Stir in the vanilla wafers and nuts, and mix well. Place in the refrigerator to firm up slightly, about 30 minutes. (The mixture may appear crumbly and dry; this is O.K.)
      Place the remaining 1/2 cup confectioners' sugar in a shallow bowl or dish.


      Using a tablespoon, scoop out portions of the chocolate mixture and press into 1-inch balls. Using your hands, roll the balls in the confectioners' sugar, coating evenly. 



      Place on a baking sheet, cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate overnight. Store in an airtight container in the refrigerator for up to 2 weeks, placing waxed paper between the layers to prevent sticking.Or you can just mail your balls to your friends in San Diego.(This is NOT the photo of my balls. My computer would not download the photo I took of my balls...kind of like Wal-Mart.)